$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $ $ $ GRAB YOUR STICK!!!! $ $ AND MOVE IT UP AND DOWN!!!!! $ $ $ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ RELAY PRESENTS ALFRED - THE MUSIC DISK CODE - DOPE GRAPHICS - MUTLEY MORAL SUPPORT!! - INDEX MUSICS..... ---------------------------------------- START TUNE-TYPE-THINGY..............DOPE SCAB..............................MUTLEY COME BACK SOMETIME........BERNARD SUMNER LOOK NO FURTHER....................HOUND DOG...............................MUTLEY CRICKET THEME.............BERNARD SUMNER "BAKERS" CONFUSION........BERNARD SUMNER STONE(D)..........................MUTLEY NOBODY KNOWS..............BERNARD SUMNER LIFE......................BERNARD SUMNER ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- YO! T'IS DOPE AGAIN, BORING EVERYBODY TO TEARS..... GOD I HATE TYPING TEXT..... OH!! I JUST GOT MY PROVISIONAL DRIVING LICENCE TODAY GOD I'M SO EXCITED NO HONEST I AM!!! OH CHRIST, WHO GIVES A FUCK ANYWAY HERES INDEX...... (I'LL PROBABLY SPEAK TO YOU LATER....... ---------------------------------------- WELCOME MUSIC LOVERS EVERYWHERE! AT LAST, THE HOTTEST PRODUCT TO HIT YOUR MONITOR OR T.V SINCE RELAYS FABULOUS CHRISTMAS DEMO 1990. FIRST I WOULD LIKE TO SAY "FAREWELL" TO BERMUDA CIRCLE AND ZELTEK - GOOD LUCK GUYS. NOW THATS OUT OF THE WAY HERES SOME GREETINGS TO OTHER MEMBERS OF RELAY..... MUTLEY - CO LEADER/MUSICIAN AND GRAPHICS DOPE - ACE CODER ?-DOPE (NICE ONE DOPE) HOUND - MUSICIAN/SWAPPER (GIVE ME A CALL WHEN YOU GET A CHANCE) MERLIN - SWAPPER (ILL RING YOU WHEN I GET A CHANCE OK!!) AND FINALLY RAY - SWAPPER (HI RAY DONT WORK TOO HARD) WE ARE STILL ON THE LOOKOUT FOR ANOTHER GRAPHICS ARTIST, IF YOU ARE INTERESTED SEND SAMPLES OF YOUR WORK TO... PHIL/INDEX 76 BARHAM ROAD BILTON GRANGE ESTATE HULL NORTH HUMBERSIDE HU9 4JL ALSO FOR SWAPPING DEMOS YEAH!!! GREETZ ALSO WHIZZ OUT TO - GARY CHRIS ALASTAIR AUSTIN IAN TIM ARNOLD K. PAUL LEIGH CRAIG GWEEBO J.J. SIMON JOHN WILF SORRY IF I MISSED ANYONE OUT BYE FOR NOW.... INDEX $$$$$ $ $ $$$$$ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $$$ $ $ $ $$$ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $$$$$ $$$$$ $ $ $$$$$ $$$$$ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $$$ $ $ $ $ $ $$$$$ (PRETTY GOOD HUH?? IT TOOK ME ALL OFF ABOUT 1 MINUTE TO DO!!!!) ---------------------------------------- OH BY THE WAY ITS ME AGAIN (DOPE) ABOUT THINS TIME OF THE NIGHT I LIKE TO TYPE SOME PERSONAL GREETINGS! SO LETS KICK OFF WITH A FEW PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT "IN THE SCENE" ADAM CHRIS SMITTY SIMAN DAVIE B. DAVE S. PLOPPY CARL STEWART GIZMO EWAN 'TONY ------------------------------------CONT ---------------------------------------- STEF CRAIG GAZZA TAYPORT FAST AS FUCK MARK 2 WHEEL SPIN KINNELEY TABS (TM) BOB MY DOG DID RIDE ME PLEASE JIM WITH A CLOTHES HORSE JIM ZIGGYS O'HENRYS SAM THE VIC MA BELLES JIMBO OH CHRIST A SPOUT OF MADNESS CAME OVER ME (FNARR), I BETTER CARRY ON WITH THE OTHER GREETS TO PEOPLE...... ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- GREETINX ARE FLYING OUT TO.... MORPH - KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK WITH SUE!! INDEX - THANX FOR THE COOL SENDINGS ETC. HOPE YOU LIKE THE FINISHED VERSION OF THIS, ITS A BIT BETTER THAN THE PREVIEW DONT YOU THINK???? LYNCH - ARE YOU STILL FIGHTING TO THE DEATH??? ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- NO.5 - SORRY, I PROMISE I WILL DO SOMETHING FOR MAG. FIELDS SOMEDAY ANZ - STILL TOKIN'??? (WE ARE!!) TURBO SLUG - I THINK YO SHOULD KILL THE BASTARD WHO SPIKED YOUR $$$$$$$ DRINK, DOESN'T HE KNOW THE $ FUCK- $ AMOUNT OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE $ OFF $ EITHER DIED OR ENDED UP IN $ BRYCE $ PADDED CELLS BECAUSE OF $$$$$$$ ARSEHOLISH TRICKS LIKE THAT ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- IF YOU WANNA CONTACT ME FOR ANY REASON AT ALL (DOUBTFULL) THEN WRITE TO:- SCOTT 27 SLOAN STREET ST. ANDREWS FIFE SCOTLAND KY16 8AW ONLY LEGAL STUFF (???) ---------------------------------------- HI YA FREAX - MAD MAN HERE IF YOU ARE WONDERING WHO THE FUCK IS MAD MAN, IT'S MERLIN WITH A DIFFERENT NAME!! ENOUGH OF THIS AND ON TO THE GREETZ..... AND AS EVER SUPER, SMASHING, GREAT GREETINGS FLY TO THE FOLLOWING.... PARASITE KEEP UP THE FAST SENDS MATE HAMMER / ANARCHY HOPE YA FIND A NICE HOUSE MATE IGOR / ANARCHY HOPE THE EXAMS GO OK, SEND SOON MR BIG / ANARCHY MY GREETS GO TO YOU DUDGE DROKK / ANARCHY HOWS TRIX? (HIS DOG PERHAPS??? - DOPE) CRAIG / INTUITION EXPECT A SEND FROM ME SOON FRAP / MAGNETIC FIELDS THANX FOR THE STUFF MATE THE DOCTOR STAY COOOOOOOL EDDY AND HIS AMAZING MUSHROOM (IS IT MAGIC - DOPE) QUEEZY STAY COOOOOOOL FERNY WHO IRRITATES ME (HO HO) MAGGOT THE LITTLE INDIAN OKO THE CRAZY BASTARD AND OF COURSE, ALL IN RELAY!!!!! SORRY IF I FORGOT ANYONE, I DONT THINK I DID????? MAD MAN SIGNING OFF!!! ---------------------------------------- ITS ME AGAIN DOPE, TO BRIGHTEN UP YOUR DAY THOUGHT FOR THE DAY - MACS ARE BULLSHIT HERES MUTLEY ---------------------------------------- MUTLEY THANKS THE FOLLOWING TUNES FOR GETTING HIM THROUGH THE BORING TASK OF DOING THE GRAPHICS FOR THIS DISK... 808 STATE - COBRA BORA, PACIFIC 202 TUNES SPLITS THE ATOM LAND OF FUN - IN THE BASEMENT JAMES - COME HOME N. F. A. D. - AMPLIFIER, BIG REMIX HAPPY MDAYS - MAD CYRIL, WROTE FOR LUCK INSPIRAL C. - DIRECTING TRAFFIC BUZZCOCKS - WHAT DO I GET? CHARLATANS - POLAR BEAR, NOT VERY WELL CREATIVE T. - NASTY RYTHMN B-SIDE ... AND SPECIAL THANKS TO... SCOTT JOPLIN ----- ------ .. FOR WRITING MAPLE LEAF RAG, WHICH I USED TO REPOSITION MY SPEAKERS. (CELESTION SL6 BI-WIRED WITH EXTERNAL CROSSOVER AND SOLID-STATE VAN-DEN-HULL CABLE - IE. NO CRAP-SOUNDING JAPANESE TRASH....) SIGNED MUTLEY (ULTIMUS INTER PARES) ------ ---------------------------------------- YOHOHOHOHOHO, ITS DOPE AGAIN!!! I CANT BELIEVE IT, AFTER MANY HOURS SITTING ON MY NEW CHAIR (WITH ARMS) I'VE ACTUALLY FINISHED THIS DISK!!! THE DATE IS 24.4.91 AND THE TIME IS 18.24. GOD I'M CHUFFED!! JUST ONE MORE WORD TO SAY "WELCOME" TO OUR NEW MEMBER.... ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- DAZ OR PIZZA OR PIZZA-PUSS OR DAVEY B (YES HE CANT THINK OF A NAME!!) YOU MIGHT OF HEARD OF HIM IF YOU EVER BOUGHT COMMODORE DISK USER, HE HAS HAD QUITE A FEW THINGS PUBLISHED ON THE DISK ON THE COVER. AND NOW HE'S AGREED TO JOIN RELAY!! WHO WAS THE DICK-HEAD WHO PHONED MUTLEY ASKING IF HE HAD ANY CREDIT CARD NUMBERS WHAT A FUCKING ARSEHOLE!!!!! ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- THATS IT FROM ME....... DOPE... THATS A..... $$ $ $ $$$$$$$ $$$$$$$ $$$$$$$ $$ $ $ $$ $ $$ $ $$ $ $$ $ $ $$$$$$$ $$$$$$$ $$$$$$$ $$ $ $ $$ $ $$ $ $$ $$ $ $ $$ $ $$ $ $$ $$$$$$$ $$ $ $$ $ $$ WHAT A KILLER!! ---------------------------------------- SCAB - WRITTEN BY MUTLEY OF RELAY HERES MUTLAME (HO HO HO HO) HIMSELF!!! QUIT READING THE BLOODY TEXT PRINTER AND LOOK AT THIS!!! THIS IS THE SCROLLER FOR SCAB, BY MUTLEY. HOPEFULLY FINISHED ON SUNDAY THE 14TH OF.. ERR... APRIL I THINK. I SAY HOPEFULLY AS IT IS NOT YET FINISHED, AND SO AFTER I FINISH THIS SCROLLER THEN I WILL GO BACK TO IT. WITH ANY LUCK YOU SHOULD BE HEARING THE RESULTS RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT. AS THERE IS SOD ALL ELSE TO WRITE, I WILL DO THE INEVITABLE GREETINGS. BUT STAY TUNED, YOU MAY GET A MENTION, EVEN IF YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD OF ME BEFORE (YOU PROBABLY KNEW ME IN A PAST LIFE OR SOME SUCH CRAP.) HERE WE GO... THE 1991 FULLY COMPREHENSIVE INDEX LINKED GREETINGS LIST (SPONSERED BY POWERGEN) READS: GREETINGS TO.... ALL OF RELAY, ESPECIALLY INDEX AND HOUND, AS THEY ARE THE ONLY TWO WHO HAVE BOTHERED THEIR ARSES TO WRITE TO ME. A BIG HI ALSO TO THE NEW MEMBERS, WHO CAME FROM A CREW OF WHICH THE NAME ELUDES ME. WELCOME TO THE FOLD ANYWAY... NEXT I MUST GREET DOCTOR AWESOME OF CRUSADERS, AS HIS MUSIC IS RUNNING IN THE BACKGROUND ON INTUITRACKER. WHO ELSE NOW..... OH YEAH, SPOOK, NUMBER 5 AND DEXTROUS OF MAG. FIELDS FOR BEING ENGLISH, THE GOOD MEMBERS OF ANARCHY (IE. MYSTIC, 4-MAT, MEDIATOR, DEL) FOR BEING PRETTY BLOODY BRILLIANT AT WHAT THEY DO. THE SAME GOES FOR ALL THESE GUYS... FRENZY OF MF, HEATBEAT OF REBELS, BRUNO OF ANARCHY, GOLEM OF ANARCHY, ANZ OF MF, FUTURE FREAK OF DEXION, PROTON OF COMPLEX (SCOOPEX?), PHANTOM LORD OF ANIMATORS, BEAST OF NETWORK, SCORCH, HAVOK, SLASHER OF NO LIMITS, GLIDE OF CRYPTIC UK, NOMAD OF CRYSTAL, MIKE OF QUARTEX, TURBO SLUG OF MF, BERNARD OF RELAY, KLG OF SOC BRIGADE, SECTOR 9 OF RAZOR 1911, NOSFERATU OF RAZOR, RICO HOLMES, ROGUE MALE OF ECSTACY, XAG OF BETRAYAL, HEATSEEKER OF CRYPTOBURNERS, FLESHBRAIN OF CRUSADERS, KERNI OF MF, MAGIC MUSHROOM OF CRACK, TIMMY OF PUSSY, NUKE OF HAVOC PLC., ALTER EGO OF BETRAYAL, HOBBIT OF FLASH PRODUCTIONS.... THAT WILL PROBABLY DO NOW AS YOU ARE ALL BORED OUT OF YOUR PLANKS. I HAVE CHANGED THE BACKGROUND TUNE TO A GREAT CHIP THING BY DOOR-MAT OF LAMERCHY.... OOPS... SORRY.... 4-MAT OF ANARCHY. I THINK, CHILDREN, IT IS BACK TO GREETINGS LIST PLC. KICKING OFF THE SECOND HALF WITH A BIG HELLO TO ALL THE SAE BLOKES WHO TRASHED COMRADE J.S HOUSE WHEN WE STAYED THERE WAY BACK AT THE LAST PC SHOW. SORRY ABOUT THE SPECTRUM, COM ME AULD MATE. SO TO RECAP, THAT IS A HI TO MANTRA, PHIL (MY MOUTH), EMMA THE SAD DIGGER, BOSH AND GOD ONLY KNOWS WHO ELSE. A 14 INCH GREET TO ALL OF ANTHROX, FOR BEING A DAMN FINE CREW, AND MAKING ONE OF THE BEST DEMOS EVER (IN MY PISSY OPINION), BOBBY DA BOL. THE TUNE IN THE BACKGROUND NOW IS PROMISES BY GOOD OLD 4-SKIN. THAT REMINDS ME, A GREET TO MORPH OF DUAL CREW FOR GIVING ME THE DISK WITH THAT TUNE ON IT, AS WELL AS ZAK OF D-MOBS SHEEP ANIM. I AM GETTING REALLY BORED OF TEXT NOW SO I WILL THE CODER OF THIS, DOPE, HAVE A WORD. YOU WILL NOT UNDERSTAND A FRIGGING WORD OF IT OF COURSE, AS, AS HE SAYS, HE IS STONED OUT OF HIS PUSS... ROLL IT DOPE.... THANKS FOR THE GREET MUTLEY (NOT MUCH FRIGGIN' HOPE IN THAT!!) GO AND ROLL A JOINT AND LET ME WRITE SOMETHING INTO THIS MACHINE...... I WOULD GUESS WHAT I WRITE WILL TURN OUT TO BE UTTERBULLSHIT, SO ANYWAY LETS KICK OFF........ THE TIME IS ALMOST MIDNIGHT ON A MONDAY NIGHT, I HAVE JUST COME HOME FROM WORK AND I AM SLIGHTLY STONED, AND A LITTLE DRUNK, COZ WE HAD A POWERCUT AND WE ALL FINISHED EARLY!! SO WE ALL SAT ROUND THE TABLE, LISA (HUGE TITS BY THE WAY) GOT IN A ROUND OF DRINKS FOR US ALL, AND IAN ROLLED UP A JOINT (THE FIRST OF MANY). ANYWAY, WE WERE ALL SITTING DRINKING AND SMOKING QUITE HAPPILY, IN CANDLELIGHT COZ OF THE POWERCUT, AND THE DOOR OPENED!! EVERYBODY SHAT THEMSELVES, IAN RAN THROUGH THE BACK WITH THE JOINT, AND FRANTICALLY TRIED TO PUT IT OUT!! THEN WALKING THROUGH THE DOOR CAME PHIL, WHAT A FUCKING RELIEF IT WAS!! IAN CAME BACK, AND WE SMOKED WHAT WAS LEFT OF THAT JOINT AND I ROLLED ONE UP, ON MY MACHINE OF COURSE, AND WE ALL SMOKED THAT ONE..... THIS WENT ON FOR ABOUT 5 JOINTS, AND THEN IAN DECIDED WE SHOULD ALL GO HOME, JUST BECAUSE HE WANTED TO GO AND SCREW HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND!! SO THAT WAS MY EXCITING NIGHT AT WORK!!!! I THEN CAME HOME, READ MUTLEYS TEXT, LOOKED AT THE GRAPHICS, AND STARTED WRITING....... WELL THANKS FOR THAT DOPE. SO NOW YOU KNOW, IF YOU ARE EVER STUCK IN ST. ANDREWS ON A MONDAY NIGHT IN A POWERCUT, JUST FOLLOW THE SMELL OF TOKE... AS THERE IS BUGGER ALL ELSE TO WRITE, I (MUTLEY) THINK I WILL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY (SATURDAY). ME, DOPE AND A PSYCHO CALLED CHARLIE THE CAT WENT ON THE STANDARD ALCOHOL HUNT. THE USUAL CROWD (IE. SWAN, SNIFFER, CRAIG THE BIKER ETC.) WERE ALL MISSING DUE TO FINANCIAL CRISIS, SO THERE WAS ONLY THREE OF US. FIRST WE WANDERED UP TO THE LOCAL SPAR, BUT SHOCK HORROR, NO BUCKFAST! NO PROBLEM, WE THOUGHT. WE WILL GO TO THE SAFEWAYS ROUND THE CORNER. AS IT TURNED OUT, THAT WAS BLOODY CLOSED. IN DESPERATION, WE WENT BACK TO THE SPAR AND GOT A BOTTLE OF SCRUMPY PISS EACH. SO THERE WE WERE, LOOKING LIKE RIGHT LITTLE PRE-PUBECENT GIRLIES WITH OUR BOTTLE OF CIDER EACH. STILL, WE DRUNK THAT AND HEADED OFF TO THE PUBS. WE FIRST WENT DOWN TO MA BELLES (A SHITEHOLE) BUT FOUND THAT THERE WAS A CROWD OUTSIDE THE DOOR WAITING TO GET IN. BY THIS TIME WE HAD SOME SERIOUS ALCOHOL DEFICIENCY PROBLEMS, SO WE WENT TO THE NEXT NEAREST PLACE, THE TUDOR (A STUDENT PUB). TO START, WE HAD A SNAKEBITE EACH, BUT WHEN I WAS GETTING IN THE NEXT ROUND (JACK DANIELS) CHARLIE THE CAT GOES AND GIVES AWAY THE LAST OF MY FRIGGING SNAKEBITE TO SOME SKATEBOARD TOSSER. BLOODY BRILLIANT I MUST SAY. AFTER THE JACK DANIELS, WE WENT TO SOMEWHERE REASONABLE, O HENRYS (OVER 21S ONLY (WE ARE ALL 16...)) PADDY (SURPRISINGLY ENOUGH, HE IS IRISH) WAS DOING THE DISCO SO DOPE AND C.T.C WENT OVER TO TALK TO HIM WHILE I GOT IN THE NEXT ROUND (HAVE YOU SPOTTED A PROBLEM WITH WHO IS BUYING THE ROUNDS YET...(HAVE YOU SPOTTED WHO PAYED FOR A FARE PERCENTAGE OF THEM THE WEEK BEFORE - DOPE)). BUT THEN WE WAITED ABOUT HALF AN HOUR IN THERE AND THE ONLY SEATS WE COULD GET WERE JUST OUTSIDE THE MAIN AREA AND BUGGER ALL WAS HAPPENING. NONE OF US WAS DRUNK ENOUGH TO DO ANYTHING ARSELIKE (UNLIKE THE WEEK BEFORE, AND THE WEEK BEFORE THAT) SO AFTER A ROLLING ROCK EACH WE PISSED OFF DOWN TO MA BELLES AGAIN TO SEE IF IT HAD QUIETENED DOWN YET. IT HAD NOT, SO WE WENT UP TO ANOTHER OLD MANS PUB, WHOSE NAME ESCAPES ME. C.T.C WAS BEGINNING TO FEEL THE EFFECTS OF THE DRINK A BIT, SO HE DECIDED TO TEAR OUT A FEW FLOWERS FROM SOMEBODYS HOUSE AND POST THEM THROUGH THE LETTERBOX. WHAT A SAD BASTARD. HE PUB WE WERE GOING TO WAS FULL OF STUDENTS SO WE PISSED OFF TO THE PIZZA SHOP. AFTER MEETING THE USUAL TOWN CROWD (THE ST. ANDREWS SLAGS, THE TAYPORT SINGLE-BRAINCELL CREW) I HAD A SHITTY PIZZA THEN FUCKED OFF HOME BECAUSE I WAS BORED AND SOBER. HIS WAS POSSIBLY THE WORST NIGHT OF THE HOLIDAYS, AND EVEN ANY ATTEMPTS TO SKIN UP FAILED (DESPITE ME SHELLING OUT FOR 20 TABS). COMPARED TO THE NIGHTS PREVIOUS (THE SATURDAY WHEN I HAD THE URGE TO DO A BIT OF DANCING IN THE MIDDLE OF O HENRYS, THE SINGALONGA WEDNESDAY WHEN WE ALL GO BLASTED AND TRIED TO SING THE CLASH IN THE CORNER OF MA BELLES, THE SATURDAY WHEN DOPE DECIDED TO HAVE AN TYRE-PUMP FIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OFA TEXACO GARAGE AT 2.30 AM. THE SATURDAY WHEN.... YOU GET THE IDEA) IT WAS REALLY SHIT AND BORING. SO, IN CONCLUSION TO THIS VERY LONG AND BORING STORY, I AM CALLING FOR THE WHOLE OF THE WESTERN WORLD TO BOYCOTT THE SPAR UNTIL THEY HAVE SUFFICIENT AMOUNTS OF BUCKFAST IN STOCK FOR ME TO GET MINCED AND MAKE A COMPLETE TOOL OF MYSELF. ON THAT NOTE I END THIS VERY BORING AND TEDIOUS SCROLLER. SEE YOU ALL AT THE MF 3RD PARTY.... BYE! ITS THE PRAW JOKE COPYRIGHT (C) 1991 MUTWANK ENTERPRISES.... ITS A PRAW!!!! HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO! HORSEWANK........ COME BACK SOMETIME - WRITTEN BY BERNARD SUMNER OF RELAY..... YOHOHOYOHOYOHOYO...... ITS DOPE, I'VE ACTUALLY GOT TO TYPE A SCROLL OF MY OWN, WELL SORT OF MY OWN, WE SEEM TO BE LACKING A FEW BERNARD SCROLLTEXTS!!! BUT NEVER MIND, DOPE IS HERE TO SAVE THE DAY AND LET ALL THE LITTLE FISHES FREE TO SWIM AROUND IN THE SHIT THAT WE PUMP OUT INTO THE SEA EVERY DAY. (WHAT A LOAD OF BULLSHIT THAT WAS!!) MY WATCH HAS JUST BEEPED MIDNIGHT ON THE 24TH OF APRIL 1991!! IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY ON THE 6TH, AND I WENT OUT AND GOT RAT ARSED - SEE MUTLEYS "SCAB" SCROLLTEXT FOR MORE DATAILS, BUT BE PREPARED TO READ FOR A HELL OF A LONG TIME AS ITS FUCKING HUGE (FNAR FNAR!!) WELL GREETINGS GO OUT TO THE SAME PEOPLE THAT ARE ON THE TEXT PRINTER ERM.... BOB MY DOG PLEASE OH FUCK ME UP THE ARSE WITH SIXTEEN FISH, I'LL BE OFF NOW, AS I HAVE TO WALK THE VARIOUS AVAIRY!!! (SORRY, A JOKE BETWEEN ME AND MUTLEY (TM)) BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THE WRAP JOKE COPYRIGHT (C)1991 DOPE DESIGNS LTD... THATS A....(LONG POZ).... WRAP!!! (HO HO HO HO HO) LOOK NO FURTHER - WRITTEN BY HOUND OF RELAY HERES HOUND..... ID LIKE TO SEND A SPECIAL MESSAGE TO KUL ----WELCOME BACK MATE!---- THE MUSIC IS CALLED LOOK NO FURTHER! ITS ONLY A SHORT PIANO TUNE BUT I REALLY LIKE IT SO I HOPE YOU DO TOO! NOW SOME PERSONAL GREETINGS....... GREETINGS TO ALL RELAY MEMBERS RED DEVIL DEXTROUS STEEL KUL BERN FRAP MERLIN MANNY MAXTOR SHOCKWAVE BRENDAN FRODO MATHEW MAGIC MUSHROOM PHILIP PLUS ALL OTHER CONTACTS AND FRIENDS....... ANYONE WISHING TO CONTACT ME SHOULD WRITE TO 57 BOLTON STREET BLACKPOOL LANCASHIRE ENGLAND SCROLL WRAPS!!!!! DOG - WRITTEN BY MUTLEY OF RELAY....... HERES MUTLEY (AGAIN....)DOG BY MUTLEY... THIS TUNE WAS WRITTEN AGES AGO, BUT WAS NEVER RELEASED OR USED ON ANYTHING (MAINLY AS IT IS A BIT CRAP)... THERE WILL BE VERY LITTLE OF THIS TEXT, FIRSTLY AS I CANNOT FIND CYGNUS ED AND HAD TO USE TEXTRA FOR THIS SCROLLY, BUT ALSO BECAUSE I AM KNACKERED (I AM ONLY WRITING THIS BECAUSE DOPE PHONED ME A MOMENT AGO SAYING THAT HE NEEDS ANOTHER SCROLLER) TIME FOR SOME BORING COMPUTERTALK (TM)... I JUST GOT A WHOLE LOAD OF NEW DEMOS THE OTHER DAY, UNFORTUNATELY, THEY WERE ALL CRAP. ...NO, SORRY, THAT IS NOT STRICTLY TRUE: THERE WAS A REALLY GOOD INTRO FROM VECTRA, A BRAINSTORM DEMO WITH BRILLIANT GFX, AND A REALLY NICE CRUSADERS MENU SELECTOR THINGY. WHAT IS IT LATELY WITH SO MANY MULTI-DEMOS? THIS SEEMS TOTALLY NAFF TO ME. IT SEEMSYOU ARE SAYING IS THAT BECAUSE ALL YOUR ROUTINES ARE SO SLOW AND UNSTRUCTURED, THEY NEED A WHOLE FRAME TO ACTUALLY GO... THAT STINKS. I DO NOT WANT TO WAIT FOR YEARS TO SEE ALL THE ROUTINES IN A DEMO, UNLESS IT IS SOMETHING REALLY INOVATIVE LIKE SEVEN SINS, CEBIT 90 OR MENTAL HANGOVER. THE OLD SINGLE PART DEMO CAN BE JUST AS GOOD... JUST LOOK AT STUNNER DENTRO. EVERYBODY SAW THAT, DESPITE IT HAVING ONE VECTOR ROUTINE. THE REASON WAS THAT IT WAS SO POLISHED THAT IT WAS MORE A WORK OF ART THAN A DEMO. (GREAT TUNE TOO). DO NOT TAKE ME AS A HYPOCRITE, I REALISE THAT THIS DISK IS NOT GOING TO WIN ANY AWARDS (SORRY DOPE, BERNARD AND HOUND...) BUT AT LEAST IT IS NOT SOME PRETENTIOUS HEAD UP YER ARSE BULLSHIT LOOK-HOW-MANY-SHITTY-ROUTINES-WE-CAN-THROW-IN CRAP WHICH TOOK THE LAST 96 YEARS TO CODE... (UNLESS YOU ARE DAN OF ANARCHY OF COURSE. THEN YOU CAN CODE AN ENTIRE DEMO IN 3 WEEKS BY THE GOOD OLD-FASHIONED SOURCESTEAL (TM) METHOD... HAHAHAHA...) ... OH FRIG I AM BORED.... IT IS 10.25, TUESDAY THE... SOMETHINGTH OF APRIL AND I THINK I MIGHT SWITCH OFF THIS CRAP COMPUTER. SORRY FOR THE UNINTERESTING TEXT, BUT I AM FEELING DEPRESSIVE (LACK OF ALCOHOL? LACK OF ARTIFICIAL STIMULANTS?) SO I AM GOING TO WATCH SOME SERIOUS VIC REEVES ON VIDEO... SEE YOU LATER.... (YOU SHOULD HAVE READ THE STONE(D)SCROLLER INSTEAD, THAT HAS A COMPETITION AT THE END....) TIME FOR THE VIC REEVES WRAP JOKE (COPYRIGHT (C) 1991 MUTWANK PLC.) THATS A.... (PONDER...) FOND STROKE (PLACED UNDERNEATH A JAR OF BEETROOT) WRAP!!!!! (EEY, I AM RIGHT GULLIBLE ME... BUT HAPPY.... CRICKET THEME!! - WRITTEN BY BERNARD SUMNER OF RELAY.... (DONT YOU THINK THIS TUNE IS COOL??? - DOPE) RIGHT, NOW, DUE TO A LACK OF SCROLLTEXTS FROM BERNARD, EAGLE IS GOING TO STEP IN AND SAVE THE DAY..... TAKE IT AWAY EAGLE..... -- EAGLE OF RELAY --È --- NOW FOR SOME GREETS --- INDEX DOPE MUTLEY HOUND REM BERNARD SUMNER RODENT SAMI JIM ALAN JON SEAN STEVEN RATT SPLINTER MARTIN IVANHOE GALAHAD SPYROS PETER KEV --- NOW FOR SOME GROUP GREETS --- --- SKAVENGER OF INTIUTION --- --- GANDALF OF RAMPAGE BRO --- --- FINNY OF CENTRONICS --- --- TIMO OF WORLD CLASS INC --- --- 101 OF MAGNETIC FIELDS --- --- WILSON OF NOVA --- --- GLITCH OF DEVIOUS --- --- AND A SPECIAL GREET TO --- --- TOMCAT --- ú --- HE IS MY SON --- BYE FOR NOW............. "BAKERS" CONFUSION - WRITTEN BY BERNARD SUMNER OF RELAY.... ERMMM..... OH SHIT, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO DO ANOTHER ONE???? FUCK.... WELL.... YET AGAIN DUE TO A LACK OF SCROLLTEXTS FROM BERNARD, I, DOPE, WILL HAVE TO SIT IN FOR HIM.......... ON SECOND THOUGHTS, THIS WILL DO, WHAT MORE DO YOU FUCKING WANT TO FUCKING KNOW, FUCK OFF, CHRIST HAVENT YOU LISTENED TO THIS TUNE LONG ENOUGH ALLREADY, YOU COULD ALWAYS COME BACK TO IT IF YOU WANT TO!!! FUCK OFF........ (SORRY I CANT BE BOTHERED TYPING ANY MORE BULLSHIT) THE WRAP JOKE COPYRIGHT (C)1991 DOPE DESIGNS LTD... THATS A....(LONG POZ).... WRAP!!! (HO HO HO HO HO) STONE(D) - WRITTEN BY MUTLEY OF RELAY.... HERES THE STICK HIMSELF.... WARNING! THIS SCROLLER AS WRITTEN NEARLY 3 MONTHS AGO FOR A DEMO WHICH WAS NEVER RELEASED. IT IS POSSIBLY THE LONGEST SCROLLER IN HISTORY (ABOUT 8K WORTH) SO IT IS A SHAME TO SEE IT GO TO WASTE... THE COMPETITION IS STILL OPEN BY THE WAY. OK, LETS KICK DOWN.... EEH UP! WELL TWIST MY MELONS (MAN) IT IS MUTLEY! THE FOOTBALL STARTS SOON SO I WILL GIVE YOU A RUNDOWN OF THE IMPORTANT SCORES (IE. ARBROATH AND DUNDEE UTD.) AS WE GO ALONG. UNTIL THEN, I WILL JUST KEEP ON TYPING THE USUAL CRAP. WANT TO WIN A BRAND NEW AMIGA? THEN STAY TUNED TILL THE END... SO WHAT HAS BEEN HAPPENING IN THE SCENE LATELY THEN? CREWS SEEM TO BE DROPPING LIKE FLIES... SAE, ORACLE, PARADOX, ANGELS, PUSSY UK AND GOD KNOWS WHO ELSE. MUST BE SOMETHING IN THE AIR. STILL, GOOD LUCK TO CRYSTAL AND THE REJUVINATED QUARTEX. THE BRITISH SCENE NEEDS SOMEBODY TO BEAT ANARCHY FOR A CHANGE. NOTHING PERSONAL BUT THEY ARE REALLY PISSING ME OFF BY WINNING EVERY DEMO COMP SINCE THE BIRTH OF CHRIST. IT IS 3.00 SO I WILL JUST NIP OFF NOW AND HIT THE RADIO... SEE YOU IN A MO. IM BACK! NO GOALS YET (NOT SURPRISING REALLY, ONLY 2 MINUTES PLAYED). THE RUGBY IS GOING BADLY (FRANCE 9 - SCOTLAND 9) SO THE LICHTIES OR UTD. BETTER WIN OR MAJOR DEPRESSION TIME. READING BACK OVER WHAT I HAVE WRITTEN SO FAR I HAVE TYPED SOME SERIOUS BULLSHIT AND I WILL BE SURPRISED IF YOU REACH THIS POINT. MAYBE YOU ARE WAITING ON HOW TO WIN THE AMIGA AND MONITOR? IF SO, YOU HAVE A LOOONG WAIT... HOW COME ONLY D.O.C COULD WRITE SCROLLERS THAT YOU SIMPLY HAD TO READ TILL THE END. STILL, I HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN KEEP ON RAMBLING THROUGH THIS SCROLLER. I REALLY SHOULD BE DOING GRAPHICS OR MUZAK AT THE MOMENT BUT I CANNOT BE BOTHERED SO INSTEAD I WILL KEEP ON WITH THIS SCROLLY. EVERY TIME I LOAD NOISETRACKER THESE DAYS I ALWAYS DO EXACTLY THE SAME THING... AFTER 2 MINUTES OF WRITING A TUNE I DECIDE TO CLEAR IT AND SEE WHAT HALF-FINISHED MODULES I HAVE. ON THE DISK I CHECK IS ALWAYS A COPY OF FREE FROM GUITAR OR LISTEN BY BRUNO, SO I LOAD ONE OF THEM AND SIT FOR THE NEXT 15 MINUTES SWITCHING CHANNELS ON AND OFF THEN FINALLY DECIDE THAT THERE IS NO CHANCE I CAN MATCH THE GENIUS OF BRUNO AND SO GIVE UP. THIS SEQUENCE IS REPEATED EVERY 2 DAYS OR SO UNTIL I AM IN SUCH DESPIRATION THAT I LOAD DPAINT AND ATTEMPT A LOGO. AGAIN, I CLEAR THE SCREEN A FEW TIMES AND THEN LOAD IN A PICTURE BY GOLEM OR HAVOK AND SPEND THE NEXT 15 MINUTES GOING AROUND IT IN MAGNIFY MODE. AGAIN, I GIVE UP AND DECIDE TO SLEEP (WHICH IS ONE OF THE FEW THINGS I AM GOOD AT). OH, BY THE WAY, SCOTLAND LOST THE RUGBY 15-9 AGAINST FRANCE, BUT THAT IS OK AS IT LOOKS LIKE ENGLAND ARE GOING TO LOOSE AGAINST WALES. I WILL KEEP YOU INFORMED. REMEMBER THE 1990 GRAND SLAM VICTORY BY SCOTLAND, AND THE FINAL GAME AGAINST ENGLAND? I WAS THERE! BLOODY GREAT, WE MASSACRED THEM! SCOTLAND HAS BEEN RESPONSIBLE FOR SO MANY GREAT THINGS, LIKE PENECILIN AND WHISKY. GREAT BANDS LIKE BOTANY 5. GREAT FOOTBALL TEAMS LIKE ARBROATH AND DUNDEE UTD. GREAT TV PROGRAMS LIKE RAB C. NESBIT AND NAKED VIDEO. ON THE AMIGA SCENE, GREAT CRACKERS LIKE SCOTT AND MR.E OF CRYSTAL, COOL MUSICIANS LIKE NOISE AND THE GREATEST NEW GFX ARTIST IN THE WORLD, SCORCH. WHAT HAVE ENGLAND GIVEN US THEN? THE CHANNEL TUNNEL, BANDS LIKE BIG FUN. TV PROGRAMS LIKE TERRY AND JUNE AND AMIGAFREAKS LIKE FIREFLY OR ZARCHIE. ENGLAND HAVE A LOT TO ANSWER FOR! THE HALF TIME RESULTS IN THE FOOTBALL HAVE JUST COME THROUGH, DUNDEE UNITED 0 MOTHERWELL 0, STIRLING 1 ARBROATH 1 SO EVERYTHING ISN`T LOOKING GREAT AT THE MOMENT. THIS IS A VERY LONG SCROLLER AND I AM GETTING A BIT BORED ALREADY SO I THINK I WILL NIP DOWNSTAIRS AND GET SOMETHING TO EAT... BACK SOON! ...BACK! IT IS NOW SUNDAY, IT IS 6.40 AND UTD WON 4-0! IN THE SHORT GAP OF 7 SPACES I HAVE FINISHED THE TIC-TAC-TOE GRAPHICS, STARTED THE TIC-TAC-TOE TUNE, GONE OUT, GOT DRUNK, MADE AN ARSE OF MYSELF, CAME BACK, SLEPT, GOT UP, WATCHED THE TENNENTS SIXES ON TV, DID MY MAIL, THEN SAT DOWN IN FRONT OF THIS BLOODY TEXT AGAIN. WANT TO HEAR A JOKE? NO, NEITHER DO I, BUT HERE GOES ANYWAY... WHAT DO YOU GET IF YOU CROSS A CUCUMBER WITH A MEXICAN JUMPING BEAN? GIVE UP? THE WORLDS FIRST ORGANIC VIBRATOR! HAHAHAHOHOHOHO! OK, IT WAS NOT PARTICULARLY FUNNY, BUT I HAVE NOT HEARD ANY GOOD JOKES FOR AGES (APART FROM THE ONE ABOUT DAN OF ANARCHY BEING IN THE EUROCHART CODERS SECTION, BLOODY HILARIOUS THAT ONE). HAHAHA! ONLY JOKING DAN! MADNESS WAS REALLY GREAT, EVEN IF MOST OF THE ROUTINES WERE A TAD LIKE DELS... STILL ON THE EUROCHART, I SEE 4-MAT HAS HIT NUMBER ONE FOR MUSIC. CONGRATULATIONS, IT IS NOTHING LESS THAN YOU DESERVE, BUT, (THERE IS ALWAYS A BUT...) I THINK IT MAY SOON BE TIME TO EVACUATE ANARCHY. I AM NOT WANTING TO START ANY TROUBLE BUT I CANNOT SEE ANARCHY SURVIVING THAT MUCH LONGER, THERE IS SIMPLY BECOMING A STOCKPILE FOR TALENT. FOR EXAMPLE, FOR MUSICIANS THERE IS OF COURSE 4-MAT, NUKE, COSMOS, PURPLE OM, TWISTER AND BRUNO (PROBABLY THE MOST UNDER-RATED MUSICIAN EVER). THEREFORE WITH A MINIMUM OF SIX GREAT MUSICIANS, THERE IS GOING TO BE A HELL OF A LOT GREAT TUNES NEVER USED, AND PEOPLE WILL GET PISSED OFF. HOW MANY DEMOS HAVE YOU SEEN WITH A TRACK BY PURPLE OM FOR EXAMPLE, DESPITE HIM BEING (IN MY OPINION) ONE OF THE BEST IN BRITAIN. (AS YOU KNOW, THIS TEXT WAS WRITTEN A LONG TIME AGO, AND NOW ANARCHY HAVE THE OPPOSITE CRISIS... THEY HAVE NO MUSICIANS. AS IT IS, BRUNO HAS JOINED MANIACS OF NOISE, 4-MAT IS DOING MORE COMMERCIAL STUFF, NUKE AND COSMOS HAVE LEFT, AND SO THAT ONLY LEAVES PURPLE OM TO PROVIDE IN THE UK. BACK TO NORMAL TEXT NOW...) THAT IS ENOUGH ABOUT ANARCHY, AND SINCE IT IS (WAS GOING TO BE) THEIR PARTY THIS DEMO WILL BE RELEASED AT I HAD BETTER NOT ANNOY ANYONE! OH, STILL ON THE SUBJECT OF MUSIC THOUGH, HAS ANYBODY OUT THERE EVER HEARD OF A MUSICIAN CALLED NOISE. I THINK (S)HE USED TO BE IN CELTIC AND DID GROOVY TUNE ON THE CELTIC 700 BOBS DEMO BUT SINCE I HAVE NOT HEARD ANYTHING ELSE FROM HIM/HER. IF ANYBODY STILL WATCHING HAS HEARD ANYTHING FROM THIS GUY/GAL, OR EVEN IF THAT GUY/GAL IS WATCHING THIS, PLEASE GET IN TOUCH WITH ME! COR, THIS SCROLLY REALLY IS MASSIVE, AND NOT A SINGLE FINBAR SAUNDERS STYLE DOUBLE ENTENDRE SO FAR, (AND IT HAS BEEN VERY HARD... PHWEEEP! (DAMN!)) WELL THANKS FOR REACHING THE END OF MY SCROLLER, AND THAT QUALIFIES FOR A VERY SPECIAL PRIZE. TO READ MY GREETINGS LIST! YIPPEE! DO NOT TURN OFF YET THOUGH, AS ANYBODY REACHING THE VERY END OF MY TEXT WILL QUALIFY FOR A GREAT HARDWARE PRIZE! RIGHT, HERE WE GO... GREETINGS TO... MORPH OF CRYSTAL (PUKE) NO.5, ANZ (TOKE TILL YA DROP) DEXTROUS, TURBOSLUG (VECTORSCROLL FOREVER!), TEC, SPOOK AND EVERYBODY ELSE IN MF, INDEX OF RELAY (JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS...) GWEEBO OF SCOOPEX UK, COMRADE J. (HOWS THE SPECTRUM?) PHIL (MY MOUTH), MANTRA, EXECUTIONER (I AM BACK SOON!), POWERCUT (SEE LAST MESSAGE...) GAZSKI (BRITAINS OTHER KEYBOARD WIZARD...) STEVE THE MAGIC ROUNDABOUT FREAK, ALTER-EGO (F-F-F-FUCK OFF FAST) SCOTT, WEETABIX, MR.E, BLITTER (CASUAL VS. ROUGHCAST WALL? REMEMBER US?) JOE BLOB, WAYNE KERR, SADDAM HUSSEIN (COOL SENDS), RUDOLF (THE RED NOSED RAIN DEEEER!) AND THAT JUST ABOUT WRAPS IT UP.... OH YEAH. ALMOST FORGOT... IF YOU ARE WANTING TO WIN A BRAND NEW AMIGA 500 WITH HI-RES STEREO MONITOR THEN ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ANSWER THIS SIMPLE QUESTION. IN THE BUDBRAIN MEGADEMO 2, THERE IS A PART NAMED THE TRIAL. THE MUSIC PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND IS FROM A POPULAR T.V PROGRAMME BY LYNCH AND FROST. WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS, ON WHICH PAGE IN PLAYBOY MAGAZINE DID THE STAR OF THIS PROGRAM REVEAL THEIR WHOLE CABOODLE (IE. THE BITS YOUR MOTHER NEVER TOLD YOU ABOUT...). WHEN YOU HAVE THE ANSWER, SEND THE APPROPRIATE PAGE TO... THE SHERYL FENN GETS HER TWIN PEAKS OUT COMPETITION. 20 BALGOVE RD. GAULDRY, NEWPORT-ON-TAY, SCOTLAND. UK. DD6 8RH. ..AND EXPECT A PACKAGE THROUGH YOUR DOOR... RIGHT, THAT IS IT FROM ME ON TRULY MASSIVE SCROLLER (I WOULD GUESS ABOUT 8K WORTH) SO I WILL SAY.... HELLO, GOOD-EVENING AND FUCK OFF. THE STONED WRAP JOKE COPYRIGHT 1991 MUTWANK TECHNOLOGY LIMITED. THATS A..... OH FUCK WHERE HAS THE GROUND GONE... SHIT, HELP, PARANOIA ATTACK. WHO ARE THOSE VOICES ON MY SHOULDER. I THINK I AM GOING TO ROLF..... WRAP! (A SURREAL JOKE WITH A LIMITED AUDIENCE I SUSPECT.) NOBODY KNOWS - BY BERNARD SUMNER OF RELAY.... I WROTE THIS TUNE ON 5.3.91, IT IS 3:18 MINS IN LENGTH. SOURCES OF SAMPLES USED.....NUMERO UNO:STARLIGHT... TECHO BELL:808 STATE... ROLAND U-20:RS-PCM KEYBOARD... SOME SHIT 40S MOVIE... (NOT ANY MORE MATEY. HAD TO TAKE IT OUT SO THE TUNE WOULD FIT ONTO THE DISK. SORRY! MUTLEY.) THE THEME OF THIS TUNE WAS LOOSLY BASED THE (GROUND BASED) 1990 POP SCENE, IT WAS WRITTEN AND PRODUCED IN ABOUT 1HR. SORRY BUT IM SHIT AT SCROLLS... ITS GRIM UP NORTH!!!!!!!! LIFE - WRITTEN BY BERNARD SUMNER OF RELAY..... I WROTE THIS ON 12.3.91 AND IS APPROX 2:52 MINS IN LENGTH. SOURCES OF SAMPLES USED.....PERFECT KISS(12INCH):NEW ORDER... EVIL DEAD II:FILM... YAMAHA DS55:DIGITAL SYNTHESIZER... ROLAND U-20:RS-PCM KEYBOARD... KORG WAVESTATION:VECTOR SYNTHESIZER... THIS MUSIC WAS WRITTEN IN RESPONSE OF THE FUNNY LINE FROM THE AFORMENTIONED FILM EVIL DEAD II, AND THE DEDICATION OF PUTTING A MELODY TO IT.. IT WAS WRITTEN AND PRODUCED IN ABOUT 1.5HRS....... DOES MIKE JACKSON MASTURBATE!!!!