THE GAME REVIEW =============== .a$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&$$$$$a. $$' . `$$' `$$ ' `$$' s `$$' s `$$ $' $ $$ $ $$ a a $$ $ $$ $ $$ ISSUE #9 $ $ssss$$ $ $$ $ $ $$ $ $$ $ssss$$ $ o o$ $$ $ $ $$ sssss$$ssss. $$ 01/07/96 $. $ $$ $ $$ $ $ $$ $ $$ $ $$ $$. $ ,$$ $ $$ $ $ $$. $ ,$$. $ ,$$ `$&@%o%@&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&@%o%@&$$$$&@%o%@&hd' "All the games that are fit to print." Un-Releastic: "I have never played a game I didn't like." -Stu Pid Fewl Realistic : "This game sucks!" -Ionizer NOTE: The holidays are over, and not too many important games came out during that time. I made a little attempt to review some of those games. TGR will now continue it's constant release on Sundays, except for this upcoming sunday, which will be released on this coming FRIDAY. ***************************************************************************** _\|/_ _\|/_ _\|/_ _\|/_ _\|/_ _\|/_ _\|/_ _\|/_ _\|/_ _\|/_ _\|/_ _\|/_ * _\|/_ _\|/_ _\|/_ _\|/_ _\|/_ _\|/_ _\|/_ _\|/_ _\|/_ _\|/_ _\|/_ _\|/_ * NEW - It's TGR's first Poll! I want *YOU* the readers to rate the groups * that release games. The poll will last FOR TWO WEEKS, until 1/20/96.* The results will then be shown in the 1/21/96 issue. * * <>POLL ?: Which Games Release Group do you feel is doing the best OVERALL * job? (Most releases/Quality releases/Consistency/Ability to get * the release out quick/Problem-free are things to consider.) * * <>Possible Answers in ABC ORDER plus common short-term names: * Blade (BLD), Fist, Demolition (DMN), Dominator (DOM), Dragon (DGN), * Energy (NRG), Hybrid (HBD), Legacy (LGC), Masque (MSQ) Razor/CD (RZR/RCD), * Release on Rampage (RoR), Starlight (SLT), Tri Star & Red Sector Inc. (TRSi)* The Council (CNC), Velocity, Zombies...or any other you know of! * * TO PLACE YOUR VOTE WRITE MAIL TO "ionizer@ns2.clever.net". Make the subject* include the words "vote" and anywhere in the field include your VOTE AND * **ONE** VOTE ONLY. Make it clear what it is, especially if it is not a * common group, include the full name. Your participation will help make * this a reliable success and it only takes seconds to do! * ***************************************************************************** ============================================ HOW TO GET THIS MAGAZINE ON A REGULAR BASIS: -------------------------------------------- ("WHERE and WHEN can I GET The Game Review?" The Game Review (c) Ionizer,) (will be released every SUNDAY, in IRC, in #warez5 and other channels and) (can be obtained by /m iondcc xdcc list or /m ionizer xdcc list on Sunday) (This magazine is also released in the magazine Inquisition) (Which can be obtained at the following web site) ( http://www.terminalp.com/inq ) (You can now also The Game Review via the WWW @) ( http://www.aych-dee.com/tgr.html ) NOTE: THERE IS NO MAILING LIST OF ANY KIND! Subscribe to INQuisition if you want to be on the mailing list. =========================================== - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * GAME REVIEWS, RATINGS, UN-BIASED OPINIONS, HELP/TIPS FOR INSTALLING GAMES! [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][] -Rating scale: (0-19)/100 = In a nutshell, it sucked! (20-39)/100 = Still crap but slightly better. (40-49)/100 = Possibly worth downloading. (50-69)/100 = Pretty decent game. Might want to check it out. (70-79)/100 = Worth the download if you like that type. (80-89)/100 = Very good, 9 outta 10 its worth the download. (90-99)/100 = Excellent game, a MUST download. 100/100 = HOLY SHIT I'VE NEVER SEEN A BETTER GAME! -It's time for the reviews. The format is like this: Name of game, group, # of disks, review, rating. RATINGS are based on if you would have fun playing it NOW. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- -<*><*> THE GAME REVIEW <*><*>- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- =Alien Virus= Fist, 12 disks. RazorCD also released it, but since this one was smaller, and just missing the animations, to save time for reviewing the holiday games, I downloaded this one. It's an adventure game with your icons and figuring out what to use where and what to do where. The graphics are good, the sound/music a bit repetitive and annoying. It requires a good amt. of thinking to figure out what to do. A walkthrough would be of good help. Install help: Edit the .cfg file's line of sourcepath to wherever you have it arj'ed to. RATING: 64/100 =2 Fast 4 U= Starlight, 4 disks. It's in German, but you can still manage to play it and set it up. It's a pretty shitty car racing game; graphics PLAIN, music LAME, wow what a waste of a GAME. Turning a corner is practically imp- ossible w/o hitting the sides. Don't bother. RATING: 32/100 =Splatt! The Mindless Garbage Game= Demolition, 3 disks. Warning, it has the `DOOM2 DEATH' virus, what it does is beyond me, you want to go find out, have fun. =The Adventures of Batman And Robin= Blade, 24 disks. It's an activity and comic book adventure for win. It might entertain a 7 year old brother, but I wouldn't expect to find anyone else playing this one for more than 3 minutes. It's quality, but not quality your going to find fun. Includes 3 stores/3 activities . RATING: 52/100 =Pyrotechnica= Hellstorm Couriers, 5 disks. Yes, it's a dupe, but since I didn't remember what it was like and since most of you won't care since half of you probably weren't around when it came out the first time, I'm reviewing it. It's got a good engine, but this lame graphic flight game with the overused 3rd person perspective just doesn't have what it takes to be hit. The gfx, consist of lame geometric single colored figures. It's pretty much a shoot the ship and other crap game, nothing complicated. RATING: 41/100 =Dawn Patrol Head 2 Head= RazorCD, 23 disks. An excellent SVGA dogfighting over excellent scenery. This was released a while ago, but it now includes modem/serial capabilities. There is no music, but their is the lonely sfx. A must for all evil flight sim likers who enjoy nothing better than to shoot the fucking crap outta their friends or the computer. RATING: 81/100 =Wetlands= Legacy, 22 disks. Either this game needs a joystick or it sucks. At the beginning, you are set inside a spaceship, and ships come from all sides and you have to aim'n' shoot. The graphics are these weird flashing things, and the game from this view point seems lame. I think there's a hell of a lot more to a 22 disk game then this, but this is all I can manage to find. The rating of this game is from what only I found from it, but I think their is more to it. So don't complain about it, and realize that this is not a fair review if there is more to it. RATING: 29/100 =Full Metal Jacket= If you can get past a couple lucky guesses then you can figure out how to play this one. It's an eagle's eye view, where you have a little robot/fighting machine equipped with different weapons. You go around shooting other robots and places in a desert environment. RATING: 37/100 =Mystic Midway: Phantom Express= Energy, 17 disks. Wow this is a really fucking retarded game. Your on a roller coaster and objects fly by. You're supposed to shoot the objects and collect points. The objects are pictures that depend on what age group you pick. (Ex. Old Age --> Retirement Home Teenager --> Braces, Junkfood) It's lame, it's boring, it sure as HELL is not worth 17 disks. RATING: 36/100 =The Planets: The Ultimate Astronomy= RoR, 36 disks. No, it's not a game, but it's not exactly a util, so I downloaded it anyway just to check it out (it's ONLY 36 disks ). It's a pretty good program, tells you all about the planets, our solar system, the stars, and the movement of them. A in depth look at all this will bore you, but it's perfect if you happen to have a report on planet(s), and have access to show this. RATING: 51/100 =Nick Faldo's Championship Challenge= Legacy, 17 disks. If you're looking for quality, better turn your head. If you're looking for a quick drive and putt game then try this one. The graphics are far from good, the music lame, and the design poorly done. The game is pretty bad, which is hard for a golf game to be now-a-days. RATING: 34/100 =SimTown Junior= TRSi, 10 disks. When your groups gone for 2 years, I suppose theres a few things you miss . Although a previous release of "Simtown" was out, this is the Junior version, made for little kiddies. There is no MAJOR difference between this one and the other. It is still the same basic game. As you probably know, it's a game where you are the governor. You build everything, destroy everything, and do things the way you want, you run the whole sha-bang. Doesn't sound fun?, well it's not, but you can always put up a small little town and then set thousands of fires, earth- quakes, and make life hell for everyone, now that's real-life simulation! PS: Welcome back TRSi! RATING: 53/100 =Charlie The Clown (SW)= Zombies, 2 disks. AGHHH!!! This dumbass looks like he's Super Mario Brother's uncle. Lame jump-n-run game that only uses the top half of your screen. Gay graphics, music, sound effects. Hell, the makers of this game would be better off not a SW version out, or pictures on their box, b/c then they would have at least a chance of getting some prophets from fools just picking up anything. Anyway, you can jump and shoot. The shooting is with these ugly ass balls that can get bigger and different colors, which as it turns out, is the highlight of this piece of crap. RATING: 17/100 =IBM Arcade Fly Games= ?, 5 disks. I liked this game a lot better when it was released the first time under the name TRIPLE THREAT. Dupe, dupe, dupe, lalala! Here's the previous review of this the first time it was released: "TDV, 5 disks. This is three Windows games, F18 No Fly Zone, Black Rein, and Quatra Commands. The F18 and Quatra are both asteroid type games, shoot at ships, and other galaxy shit. Black Rein is a tank view game. None of these games are close to spectacular, however the sound and music are some what good. The menus are probably better than the games. RATING: 36/100" -Review6.txt =All Star Sports Collection= Velocity, 6 disks. Quoting the nfo should tell you enough if not more than you need to know . "First off, this is a collection of *CLASSIC* games. Meaning, this is an official release on a CD-ROM with older games on it. Not technically a dupe, but an actual release...This contains from the CD, three games: Hardball3, Unnecessary Roughness, and Jack Nicklaus' Signature Edition." -Velocity.nfo Basically, it's a pile of crap. RATING: 28/100 =Strategy Games= RazorCD, 28 disks. "Install Method: UnARJ/Subst". Eh, NO! I arj'ed the motherfucker, then I ran subst and later fakecd, both of which when I ran setup, the screen would not do anything. Not even a frigging error! It just didn't do anything! RATING: NA/100 =Warcraft 2 Animations Addon= LBZ, 34 disks. Ok, and this does....? Apparently it doesn't do any- thing in the game. I tried it with the tdujam version, ran the install, let it do it's work, and phzt, nothing. I didn't see any improvement or diff. in the game. I tried the replay intro button, ran a game, but nothing diff. then the way it was before <50 megs less :) >. RATING: ??/100 =Street Fighter Zero Beta= ?, 3 disks. This one is most likely bullshit, if not it's fucked. Says not enough memory, but I got 617k, and 16 megs ram, and that's never a problem. RATING: BS/100 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- <*>GAME OF THE WEEK<*> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- -What a shameful week. None of these games REALLY deserve to be the game of the week. However if you REALLY want to know which was the most decent release of the week, it would have to be ALIEN VIRUS. It's a typical advent. game with the icons and shit. Figuring out what to do with items you "just happen to obtain." Graphics are nice, music ok. I'd rate the game as pretty tough, because it's almost like tottaly guessing at what to do with what. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- <*>UPCOMING RELEASE DATES<*> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Key to system types: DCD = DOS CD WCD = Windows CD MCD = Mac. CD W95CD = Win 95 CD M3 = Mac. Disk W3 = Windows Disk W953 = Win 95 Disk D3 = DOS Disk HCD = Mac./Windows CD DATE TITLE SYS -------- ------------------------ ----- 01/29/95 Warhmmr:Horned Rat W95CD 12/28/95 Psychc Detcv DCD 01/08/96 Deep Space Nine DCD 01/09/96 Daedalus Encounter W95CD Kyrandia Trilogy DCD TTAX95 FDFN W3 01/10/96 Ganster Bundle DCD Phantasmagoria MCD 01/12/96 NFL Qback Club DCD Warhammer 40K WCD 01/15/96 Cyberia 2 DCD Elk Moon WCD Elk Moon #1 MCD H! Zone DCD Net Mech DCD Solitaire Deluxe W95CD TTAX 95 FDFN DLX WCD 01/16/96 Battlcrsr 3000 DCD X-Wing Collector MCD 01/17/96 Fast Attack D/W5C TTAX95 FN CA W3 01/20/96 AH-64D Longbow DCD Dinotopia WCD NBA Live 96 DCD Sensible Soccer DCD Top Gun DCD 01/23/96 Sport Hits 2 DCD 01/25/96 T-Mek WCD 01/26/96 Silent Hunter DCD 01/30/96 Escalation DCD Space Bucks WCD 02/01/96 Angel Devoid DCD Cry.Sys W95CD CYBERJUDAS DCD Empire II WCD Gabriel Knight 2 MCD Grand Prix 2 DCD HARVESTER DCD Heroes M&M MCD MetalLords DCD Promised Land DCD 02/01/96 Shadows Over Riva DCD Spr Bubsy/WIN95 WCD Starship DCD Terracide DCD Wing Commander 4 DCD 02/05/96 Doom II W95CD Ult Doom: Flesh W95CD 02/06/96 Nicklaus@Muirfield DCD Star Control 3 DCD 02/07/96 Chronomaster DCD 02/08/96 Pro Pinball:Web DCD 02/10/96 Madden NFL 96 DCD 02/15/96 Maximum Roadkill DCD Racing's Greatest DCD 02/16/96 A10-2:Silent Thunder W95CD 02/20/96 Ripper DCD Wooden Ships&Iron Men DCD 02/21/96 Whiplash DCD 02/25/96 Daggerfall DCD 02/26/96 Adams Pinball DCD Wizardry Gold HCD 03/01/96 Bioforge + DCD Citzns:Blckwtr Affrs DCD Civilization 2000 W95CD Confirmed Kill DCD Deathtrap Dungeon DCD Dragon's Lair II DCD Hoyles Classic MCD Indy Jones & Adv W95 Jagged H2H DCD Lost Admiral II DCD MAGIC/GATHERING DCD Master of Antares DCD Mortimer DCD MT:Earthsiege W95CD Nemesis DCD Pax Imperia DCD Police Quest 5 MCD 03/01/96 Shivers MCD Space Hulk 2 DCD St Trk Generations W95CD Super Heroes DCD 03/03/96 Mortal Kombat 3 W95CD 03/04/96 Tommy WCD 03/05/96 RBI '96 DCD 03/06/96 Rise&Rule/Anc Emp WCD 03/11/96 Hexen W95CD 03/12/96 The id Anthology DCD 03/13/96 Descent 2 DCD 03/18/96 Crystal Skull DCD 03/19/96 Hexen MCD Mission Force:Cyberstorm W95CD 03/26/96 Hammer Slammer DCD 03/27/96 VR Baseball DCD 04/01/96 Aikman Football MCD Colonization Gold DCD Klingon DCD Pinball Classics DCD Ripper MCD Sensory Overload DCD Toy Story Strybk DCD 04/10/96 NFL Football/Aikman DCD 04/16/96 VR Soccer DCD 04/24/96 Conquest/New World DCD 05/01/96 F-16 Fighting Falcon DCD Third Reich DCD 06/01/96 Chessmates MCD Northlands DCD Vision of Glory DCD 07/01/96 Jetfighter III DCD 08/01/96 Dragon Dice WCD ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- <*>CORRECTIONS<*> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- -I love being perfect. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- <*>LEGAL MUMBO JUMBO<*> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- THIS MAGAZINE IN NO WAY WHATSOEVER, CONDONES THE PIRATING, STEALING, OR ANY OTHER ILLEGAL MEANS OF OBTAINING SOFTWARE. I AM IN NO WAY RESPONSIBILE FOR YOUR ACTIONS AS A RESULT OF READING THIS MAGAZINE, NOR HAVE I DONE ANYTHING ILLEGAL TO OBTAIN THE REVIEWED GAMES. IF YOU LIKE THE HOW THE REVIEW OF A GAME SOUNDS THEN BY ALL MEANS PURCHASE IT AND SUPPORT THE SOFTWARE COMPANY. ANY AND ALL MAGAZINE GROUPS HAVE PERMISSION TO USE THIS IN THEIR MAGAZINE, AS LONG AS IT HAS NOT BEEN EDITED IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- <*>CLOSINGS<*> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- -Glad to be back from vacation? No, not really, but I'm sure your glad that the review is back! And it is, I've done as much reviewing from the holiday stuff as possible, so hope you appreciate it. It's evident that there wasn't much quality to be missed anyway. -That's it for this week, hope it was of help. -Ionizer (Game Reviewer/MALiCE & Razor Courier) Comments/Complaints send to ionizer@ns2.clever.net (NO QUESTIONS OR REQUESTS) .a$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$a. $$' . `$$' `$$ ' `$$' s `$$ $' $ $$ $ $$ a a $$ $ $$ $ $ssss$$ $ $$ $ $ $$ $ $$ $ o $$ $$ $ $ $$ sssss$$ $. $ $$ $ $$ $ $ $$ $ $$ $$. $ ,$$ $ $$ $ $ $$. $ ,$$ $$&@%o%@&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&@%o%@&$$$ $$' o '$$$ $ $$' s `$$ `$$$$$ $$ $ $$$ $ $$ $ $$ $o $$$$$ $$ $ $$$ $ $$ $ $$ ~' o$$$$$ $$ $ $$$ $ $$ sssss$$ %. ^$$$$$ $$ $ $$$s s$$ $ $$ $$ $$$$$ $$. $ ,$$$$@. .@$$$. $ ,$$ $$ $$$$$ `$$&@%o%@&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&@%o%@&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$hd' Copyright 1996 Ionizer Inc. #167A939